Hail to the Chiefs

It seems like everyone gets to be Chief something or other these days.  It started with the now-ubiquitous CEO.  Then we got the COO, because the CEO was so busy with his E that he didn’t have time for his O.  (Isn’t that what secretaries are for?  Ba-dum-pum.)

Then we got the CTO and CFO, because naturally the CEO didn’t have the F’ing time to keep up with T.  Then came the CIO, CCO, CLO…

Sure, it seems like overkill.  Especially when each ‘C’ means another seven figure salary for companies already having to cut employee bonuses and health benefits… because of the down economy.

Never mind that — it’s the new corporate way.  Companies need more highly paid executives than their competitors, just to be competitive.  Even if it means laying off workers.

Taking a look at the alphabet, there is still lots of room for more Chiefs.  So here are some of my suggestions, along with companies who might be interested:

CAO = Chief Acceleration Officer (Toyota)

CBO = Chief Bluescreen Officer (Microsoft Corporation)

CDO = Chief Dancing-silhouettes Officer (Apple Inc.)

CGO = Chief Gambling-debts Officer (Citigroup, AIG, Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan Chase, Morgan Stanley, HSBC, etc.)

CHO = Chief Horsemeat Officer (Tesco, Burger Chain)

CJO = Chief Jihad Officer (Al Jazeera)

CKO = Chief Knockoff Officer (TJ Maxx, Winners, Marshalls)

CMO = Chief Monopoly Officer (Wal-Mart)

CNO = Chief Nugget Officer (McDonald’s, Tyson Foods, Pampers)

CPO = Chief Propaganda Officer (Fox News)

CQO = Chief Queef Officer (Maxim)

CRO = Chief Rightwing-nut Officer (Koch Industries)

CSO = Chief Spill Officer (Exxon)

CUO = Chief Underwire Officer (Victoria’s Secret)

CWO = Chief Whitewash Officer (British Petroleum)

CVO = Chief Value-dilution Officer (American Airlines, United Airlines, Delta Airlines, Air Canada)

CXO = Chief Xmas Officer (North Pole Industries)

CYO = Chief Yabbadabba Officer (Hanna Barbera Productions)

CZO = Zero? Zulu? Zygote? um…

I ran out of ideas for ‘Z’.  Any suggestions?

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About Chris Weaver

anothermidnightwriter.com

Posted on 02/15/2013, in Misc and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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