Daily Archives: 07/11/2012
A manly meal has three main requirements:
(1) can be made during your average television commercial break, or a series of such breaks;
(2) can be eaten in front of the TV;
(3) is full of meat, because meat is synonymous with manliness;
(4) there is danger involved in its preparation.
Steak and burgers definitely fit these criteria because you can cook them during commercial breaks on a backyard grill. A grill is fraught with peril because it can go foomp! and singe your eyebrows. Not that it has ever happened to me.
Pizza also fits these criteria because you put it in the oven during one commercial break and pull it out during the next commercial break. And really, an oven is almost as dangerous as a grill — you can burn your forearms pulling out your pizza, especially if your attention is still on the TV. Not that it has ever happened to me.
To the above list of manly meal requirements, I’d like to add:
(5) low-carb, because obesity creates man-boobs which are decidedly un-manly, and fortunately low-carb diets work like crazy for men.
So here are a couple of low-carb recipes for lunch you can do in the microwave:
Hey! you scream. How is a microwave oven dangerous? Well, I’m sure you have seen The Mythbusters superheating distilled water in one. Kaboom! ‘Nuff said.
Manly lunch 1:
Dump a couple big scoops of Carolina BBQ pork on a plate, add lots of chopped celery, and a small scoop of Smart Balance mayo. Optional: some bell peppers and tomatoes, and white cheese (cheddar doesn’t work here). Roll into a ball, nuke to warm it up, and that’s it.
Carolina style BBQ is vinegar based, not tomato based. This cuts out a lot of sugar and it means you can taste the celery.
Manly lunch 2:
Take pieces of cooked chicken, add some chopped onion, a big scoop of Smart Balance mayo to add flavor and moisture, and chunks of your favorite soft cheese. Add random veggies like chopped peppers if you have them. Mix with fork, nuke to melt the cheese, and that’s it.
If you try any of these, tell me if you like ’em. Have any manly recipes of your own?